50 things women should know!

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat ass in a gym or start that new diet.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever!

4. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present,again so you can show your girlfriends how much he loves you by the amount he spends.

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the difference in light and non light beer, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other damn cat.

9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

10. Weekend = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not sport.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really! Just hurry the hell up!

13. You have enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. We don't pay that much attention.

18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries,birthday, and anything else important on a calendar.

19. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your outfit?

21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

25. Check the oil in your car!

26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret models, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle at other hot chicks. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both!

34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or timeouts. Just make it short and to the point.

35. Christopher Columbus didn't need damn directions, and neither do we. We'll find it!

36. Women wearing Wonder Bras, really small tight shirts and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

37. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you.

38. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to a stop us from reading the magazines.

39. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

40. Anyone can buy condoms.

41. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

42. We don't expect you to be porn stars, but we don't expect the start of an argument just because we suggest something.

43. If you are pro-choice about abortion, don't tell me "we" are pregnant, YOU are pregnant!

44. If you totally act like a guy, don't be offended if we ask you if you are a lesbian

45. No! I don't want to watch "Dancing with the Stars!"

46. Bikini's are only made for certain body types, if it's not you don't wear it in public

47. Yes we think it's cute that you like guns too!

48. You driving my car and changing the preset radio stations IS a reason to argue

49. Guy and girls don't become best friends, it's called a backup plan

50.No, we really don't give a damn if they are implants!